I missed the meeting on this!

Oh I think I'll choose remind me later option because it would be great to have the screen come up as you have £50 in your hand and 20 people pissed off behind you- there would be no sighing or tuting at all...............Jesus- what next , when you go to your local Cost Cutter and enter your pin for half a dozen eggs and a pint of milk, up pops a message, would you like to see our offers on Monster Munch. Cheeky Fuckin Bastards- not content in sending junk mail, you now have this shit to deal with- it's the equivalent of the guy from Bangalore phoning you in the middle of Coronation Street, telling you about his great deals on mobiles.......fuck off, the Cabin has just had Bet Lynch on a return visit and Dev is off his tits in the Corner Shop.

I have a tip for you- if some arse phones you at home and says they have someone in your area next week and have great offers on stone cladding- say this "I am so glad you called, any chance you can make an apoointment for me, we are looking at making our mock tudor 3 bedroom palace into a Vegas castle. " They will nearly fall off the seat and will say what about Tuesday at 4, you say " That's perfect...oh hold on I need to check with my wife". Call out to her and ask if Tuesday is ok, then go back and say sorry "My wife is going to get her feet done that day what about Wednesday?" . Continue this going through boils being lanced, piles being operated on, prolapse being pushed back up- you will piss yourself laughing and they'll hang up. That'll teach the fuckers.

And when I am on the subject of homes, what the hell is going on now- we have Location, Location, Location, then Relocation, Relocation, Relocation, and then Location, Location, Location Revisited, and then Relocation....Revisited- fuck me- what genius came up with this- and Kirsty Allsorts and Phil Specter need their bumps read- not to be confused of course with Phil Spectre the gloves don't fit you can't convict- looks like one of the 3 Stooges-music legend! And on that subject- I was watching some shite on cable with Bruno Brookes on it- the caption when he came up was Bruno Brookes Radio Legend. I nearly took a baseball bat to the plasma- fuckin legend, what does that make Ooh Aah, Gary Davies a fucking saint and Jimmy Saville God- fuck me blind- legend , more like a leg end- great boxer though, ask Anthea.

So I will finish with this- have you seen the crap- it started with Connie Fisher's Maria show, now we are looking for a Joseph for his amazing fucking technicolor fuckin dreamcoat, Sandy and the bollocks from Grease, an Opera Company on C4, Extras on cable- tell you what X Factor will be back on and that'll be the top- is it any wonder the suicide rate is on the increase - I still have the scars on my wrist when I heard Steps will be playing a tour with S Club 7. Two words- Cheap Shit and if it isn't reality tv with winners like John Barrowman telling you if you have talent or not, it is fuckin period costume dramas- period is right.